that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
