Duck Duck Cougar?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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