That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found puke in my bra..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
