Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize