I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
