that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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