I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
