Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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