I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
