Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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