I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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