He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
