Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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