also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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