I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize