1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
with your own penis?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
