I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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