she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
