Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
