I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
