you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
