btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
