so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
