Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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