I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
