Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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