if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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