So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
