but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
