I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
