It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I just shit out all my problems.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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