This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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