the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
