piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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