Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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