I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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