Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
