just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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