the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
