Sponge bath it is.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
