why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
