Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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