Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Jerry, you need to find god
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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