that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
