Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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