That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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