'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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