plz talk dirty to me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
