I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize