I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
