dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
