i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
