Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
