it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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