Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
