Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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