haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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