I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
