you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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