so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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