I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
