Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We need to get me chipped asap
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
