one word: firstdatebathroomanal
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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