Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
