He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
