It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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