I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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