the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
