So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
