I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize