Duck Duck Cougar?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
