I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
