I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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