What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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