So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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