All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
