well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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