I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
