I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
