I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
