bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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