it was like eating out sand paper
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
