i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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