Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
