Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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