you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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