either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
