I cockslap morals
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
