I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
