They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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