dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize