I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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