i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
