get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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