I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
