At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
