you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
