apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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