Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize